


How Far We’ll Go: The Legion Diaries

by Queen_of_Entrails



Category: Dead by Daylight (Video Game)
Genre: 1996, 90’s, CW Dating Violence, CW Teen sexuality, CW divorce, CW drug abuse, CW parent/child abuse, Character Development, Diary/Journal, Fairview, High School, Multi, Origin Story, Ormund, Other, Teen Angst, Teen Romance, Teenage Rebellion, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2019-11-28 18:32:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 6,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18212027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen_of_Entrails/pseuds/Queen_of_Entrails
Summary: This is the story of The Legion, F.J.S.J, before they are taken by the Entity. Through the diary entries of  Susie and Julie we are witness to the evolution of a monster. Fully dashing regard for the guise of innocence, their journey encompasses numerous stops typical to that of the average troubled youth at the turn of the century.  The destination, however, was darker than they ever could have imagined. A winding path paved with friendship, vice, and depravity; barelling into the Fog. Each chapter is a single entry, the author and date of the entry are indicated by the chapter title. This information is also listed at the top of the text. There are a lot of entries.





	1. Susie’s Diary-Sunday, September 29th, 1996

** Susie’s Diary-Sunday, September 29th, 1996 **

Ew. It’s funny how quickly the excitement for senior year has shifted to grueling impatience. Last year. Woo. Until literally the next year when I’ll be going back just somewhere else. I hope college is less pedantic than it’s predecessors. I thought high school would be like, a little less wahhh but now I’m at the end of it and I swear it’s the same shit just taller, sweatier kids. Fuck it, I know college will be better.

IN THE NOW THO everything is still gross. Julie threw a banger on Friday. I’m not the biggest fan of her normal-ass-house-parties but this one is was especially irksome. She basically spent the whole time sucking face with some rando. He was cute but DEFINITELY not the stock HotBoyTM that she usually gets with. He was all punky and he was pretty quiet, shy even. She does not usually go for shy guys. Just seemed like a weird choice. Also they were off on their own pretty much the whole time which is so fucking annoying I hate it when she does that. On the plus side I think this might mean she’s finally toasting Brandon. Bout fuckin time I’m sick to death of hearing about it. I just hope she doesn’t fall right back into it with some bona fide bad boy. Never thought I’d have to worry about that with her. I know that not everyone with ripped jeans and a tattoo is like Warren but my vigilance is inevitable. He had this similar intense vibe too though and I’m ruminating. Stop it. Stop doing that.

Anyway, gonna use the rest of the weekend to sleep and play Mario. Oh did I not mention that? I FUCKING GOT IT. Day of release baby. Jesus fuck it was a ridiculous line but oh my god it was sooooooooooo worth it. First of all, the graphics on the 64 are unreal. PlayStation can suck a dick, I’m so fucking glad I waited. The gameplay is so smooth and beautiful and it’s gonna be really hard to focus on school or anything honestly. Totally wiped out my funds, but whatever. Didn’t have much of a choice without my Gameboy. Still pissed about that.


	2. Julie’s Diary-Saturday, September 28th, 1996

**Julie’s Diary-Saturday, September 28th, 1996**

Hot fucking damn. The party last night went great and, I’ll be real, it’s mostly because of this guy I met. His name is Frank and holy freaking hell he’s hot. Boy got killer body and he’s basically a walking poem. Everything he says sounds like it comes straight out of a book. He opens with the whole “this your house?” bit, “oh it’s really nice”. Typical boring conversation starter. Then he asked if my parents were gone a lot which kind of threw up a red flag. He was cute but intimidating. He sort of looked like the type of person who might break into your house and take all your stuff and kill you, honestly. But when I said “yeah they kind of are” he followed it up by asking how I felt about it. That’s a left fielder. I never even ask myself that question. From that point on we just talked about our families and lives and basically everything. He’s spent most of his life bouncing between foster parents, which sucks so hard, but he doesn’t seem mean or hardened by it or anything. He’s intense, intense as fuck honestly, but still so easy to talk to and so mature. We made out, a lot. Oof it was great. He kisses with a passion that puts every other kiss I’ve had to shame. It was like fireworks, I never wanted it to stop.

We spent pretty much the whole time in the back fence spot so none of Brandon’s friends would see. There were only like two of them there that I’d even have to worry about and they were straight wasted so it wasn’t a big deal anyways. Honestly I don’t even care if Brandon finds out, I think I’m just done. I probably have to be because there’s no way I’m not gonna see Frank again.

I think Susie is annoyed with me over the whole thing though. I caught her checking on me a few times. Well I don’t think she was checking on me as much as hoping I was done with him. She really doesn’t like it when I don’t hang with out her at these things. It’s hard to feel bad though because:

1\. she’s not my responsibility,  
2\. she’s my best friend and I love her but she’s gotta learn to be on her own.  
3\. she’s super pretty and everyone who meets her likes her so she really doesn’t need me holding her hand anymore.

Hmm. I don’t know, maybe that’s cold. She’s definitely still fucked up over Warren even though she doesn’t talk about it anymore. I should probably be more sensitive.


	3. Susie’s Diary-Tuesday, October 1, 1996

**Susie’s Diary-Tuesday, October 1st, 1996**

It’s worse than I thought, Julie has a date with that guy this weekend. His name is Frank and she’s so into him it’s already annoying. Really annoying. She hasn’t told Brandon yet either. He’s gonna be pissed when he does find out. Normally I wouldn’t care, he’s a fuckface, but I’m worried for Julie. I know he has a temper and I’m afraid of what he’ll do if she drags this on and he finds out on his own. Of course I’m probably just projecting those irrational fears too. Oh yeah, Julie thinks I’m projecting. Apparently Frank has had a pretty rough go of things. Foster kid, apparently, so I expressed concern about that too. Considering our last experience with a guy who had a rough upbringing I thought it was appropriate. It was not. Julie accused me of judging him for things out of his control and said that doing so was super unfair. She’s right and I do kind of feel bad for jumping to those assumptions. Still, I’m worried. I was worried before I even knew about the foster thing. He seems like he might be an obsessive person. She said he’s really passionate, but I know how that can translate. Definitely shouldn’t have said that to her though. Yikes. She’s pretty mad at me now. She accused me of being jealous and I wish like a motherfucker I could be sure she wasn’t right. But she probably is, I was undeniably miffed that she was off with him for the whole party. I guess it’s unfair to let my possible jealousy bar me from even getting to know him. Unfair. Unfair, unfair, unfair. “Life’s unfair”. I’m SO fucking sick of fair and unfair. It doesn’t matter. They’re going to see each other again this Friday. I do need to give him a chance, really though. She deserves my trust in her decision making. 

Speaking of great decision making, I skipped KindCare today. I’m so sick of it. Last week I tossed around the idea of quitting but I know my mom wouldn’t have it. At the very least she’d make me sign up for some other stupid volunteer program. Maybe that would be better. I don’t know, I fucking hate kids so maybe a different thing wouldn’t be as bad. I kinda just wanna do nothing though. Will my apathy be able to overcome my fear of not getting into college? Stay tuned.

Oh yeah, I’ve got 27 stars already. I think I might have been born to play this game. I think I might be Mario. Holy fuck where did this hat come from? And this mustache? It’s-a-meee Suuusieeee


	4. Julie’s Diary-Monday, September 30th, 1996

** Julie’s Diary-Monday, September 30th, 1996 **

Guess who’s got a date this Friday? Me me me me me! Guess who it’s with? Not fucking Brandon! It’s hilarious because he probably won’t notice. He’s such a dick. I called him Saturday night. Thought I would see what was up, maybe give it to him straight. His mom answers and apparently he’s at Jerry’s house. Jerry’s? On a Saturday night? Motherfucker was NOT “drowning in homework and test prep”. Probably drowning in something else. I bet he was just fucking around on Friday too, he’s lied about this kind of shit before. I suppose it serves him right then. This time he’s paying the consequences. He had it coming, he only has himself to blame. If you’d have been there! If you’d have seen it! I betcha you would have done the same! And by it I mean Frank. Ow ow ow. In case it wasn’t properly implied, that’s who the Fri-date is with. Unlike a certain someone he actually called me last night and asked if I wanted to see him again this upcoming weekend. Obviously I said yes. Yes like a thousand times. Actually no it was just one yes because I don’t want to seem like a total dork already. He probably gets that floozy shit a lot. I’m not sure what we’ll actually be doing. Just “hanging out” he said and I didn’t really want to push because, again, I’m trying to be a least a little cool. His foster dad is a drunk asshole so I’m thinking we’ll probably go out somewhere. Honestly though I’m down to just chill and watch a movie or whatever. Maybe something PG-13, see if we can make it R. 

I talked to Susie and apologized for ditching her at the party. I thought maybe she’d want to talk more about Frank but she seemed distracted, dismissive even. I don’t think she’s pissed or anything though, I think she’s just hooked on her game.


	5. Julie’s Diary-Tuesday, October 1st, 1996

**Julie’s Diary-Tuesday, October 1st, 1996**

Why is everyone being so shitty? Seriously, even Susie. I thought everything would be cool by now but apparently it’s not. Literally all I said was “hey” and she gives me this look like she’s pissed as fuck and then looks back at her locker and is all “hey, what’s up”, sarcastic as fuck. I hate when she gets sarcastic it makes her impossible to talk to. When I told her I was going out with Frank she flipped. Well she didn’t really flip, but she did get super serious and quiet which was arguably just as uncomfortable. First, she was like “what about Brandon?” which was surprising because she always hated him “don’t you think he’s gonna get angry?” I know what she was implying, Brandon is nothing like Warren though. He plays tough sometimes but he’s a little bitch to the core, a tall little bitch at that. “Yeah but who cares, I was gonna break up with him anyway” and she responds “well why don’t you?” so I said “I don’t know, this feels better”. That didn’t feel very good, and the look on her face matched. I was aware of the fact that I was deliberately hurting him to get back at him but saying it out loud to someone else made it feel sort of gross. I don’t know how to describe her face when I said it. Like a mixture of surprise and disappointment that just shook me. Almost got me to tell him.

Until I actually talked to him, of course. I casually asked about his weekend and he gives the bullshit “it was boring just grinding on school stuff.” I expressed sympathy and asked him if he at least got a break at some point. He said no that he was “just cooped in his room doing stuff”. Got you, fucker. At the very least he was lying about that, although it’s likely he was lying about the whole weekend. I hope he gets angry, I hope he fucking cries. I kind of did. I really liked him at one point and he really liked me too, at least he acted like it. What happened? I don’t know what I did, I thought I did everything right. I thought I made him happy. It’s like as soon as we were actually together he started caring less and less. 

Speaking of withering faith in romantic devotion, I don’t think my dad gives a shit about my mom anymore. She just got home today, two days late, she definitely said she would be back Sunday and my dad confirmed it. But when she didn’t come home he acted like it was nothing. When I asked him about it yesterday he said she probably had her flight delayed. Probably? I don’t think he even talked to her, he acted like nothing was even wrong. How do you just not acknowledge that your wife has been gone for two days? Pretty sure she was with someone else too. She’s never come back from a business trip looking so happy. I think I hate them both. I cried a lot about that.

I hope Frank isn’t like that, I don’t think he is. He cares so much about pretty much everything it seems. Susie had shit to say about him too. She mentioned his foster thing, and was like “what about the last guy we knew with a really rough upbringing?” referring to Warren of course. That’s so fucked, I did not think she was type to judge like that. Obviously his upbringing has been completely out of his control. When I pointed that out she backed off, but wasn’t finished being presumptuous. She commented on the fact that he was passionate equating it with being obsessive. I’m pretty sure she was referring to Warren again. I didn’t even know what to say. I just walked away, I didn’t want to say something I’d regret. She’s the best friend I’ve ever had, probably the best friend I ever will have, but fuck she can be frustrating.


	6. Susie’s Diary-Saturday, October 5th, 1996

**Susie’s Diary-Saturday, October 5th, 1996**

97 stars, I need to take a break. I’ve been going so hard. Definitely could have beaten the game, I got to the final Bowser and then jumped of the edge. I heard that if you get 120 stars the cannon out front opens up. MY ASS IS GETTING IN THAT CANNON. But I’m starting to get a little scared that I’m gonna actually jump into the TV and never come out. Gotta chill for a second. 

I’ve barely talked to Julie since our kind of sort of fight. I don’t think it’s entirely because of that though. Brandon is still being shitty and apparently so are her mom and dad. I feel bad, she’s been so down. Literally though, I’m pretty sure she was low on benz the rest of the week. It’s like she was barely there. Great, more reasons to worry about her. She had her date with Frank last night. Apparently it was a nice time. Weird as fuck, I guess they just walked through the woods, but she had a really good time. She really likes him. Trying. To. Be. Happy. For. Her.

Joey Dermot has been trying to talk to me, in that cocky you’d-be-lucky-to-date-me way. I think he’s got a thing for me. He kept checking me out at the party last week and said hey to me like five times that night. Ugh. I suppose he’s attractive but I’m not really interested in being with anyone right now, especially not someone all try-hard-cool like him. Also he’s like, stacked, and it’s kind of intimidating. I have no interest in someone intimidating. I know better. 

Chess is going swell as fuck, I can’t believe I waited until senior year to get into it. Apparently it was more than beginners luck last week, I’m upsettingly good at this shit. Like I actually upset the other people in the club. I don’t know, it feels like I play unfair. I watch their eyes, that combined with basic logic makes it pretty easy to tell what they’re going for. Then I let them think that they’re gonna be able to pull it off for a turn or two before pooping on their plan. Honestly I’m not sure I’m even that good, just a buzzkill for everyone else who apparently sucks. I bet they don’t let you watch people’s eyes in tournaments. Guess I’ll find out because the placement tournament is next weekend. I’m pumped. Maybe I’ll get into college after all.

Oh yeah, I skipped KindCare again. I told them my aunt’s been sick and that I’m helping her. They gave their condolences but said that if I keep missing they’ll have to pull me from the program. I’ll probably go back next week, I really don’t want to though.


	7. Julie’s Diary-Saturday, October 5th, 1996

** Julie’s Diary-Saturday, October 5th, 1996 **

Oh my god. I have no words that could do it justice, that could do him justice. I’ve never felt so much fire in my heart and soul for someone. Every inch of my body is burning. The date, if I can even call it that, was amazing. I picked him up from his house and we drove to a spot outside of town. I won’t lie I was a little sketched at first, it felt like we were really in the middle of nowhere, but Frank seemed to know exactly where we were at all times and fuck I felt safe. The look on his face, the certainty in his stride, the way he held my hand so soft with such tenacity. It was as though were moving through the trees on a cloud. Apparently we were on mount Ormond, because we ended up at this abandoned ski lodge. The place was pretty junked but he had done a decent job insulating a spot from the wind. We built a fire and just laid there talking forever.

Well, we did more than talk. We had sex, like amazing amazing sex. I didn’t know it could be like that, so wrapped in each other, so sensual. It was as though every movement was the intentional result of the one preceding it. Our bodies flowed together like notes on a page, our breath a nocturne of passion. I became the softest electricity, there is no rational way to describe it.

I’ve never met anyone like him. He thinks so much, feels so much. It’s unreal. We talked about love. People always say that you “can’t choose who you love”. Frank thinks it’s more complicated than that. He says that we don’t usually love people as much as we love things about them and that we usually can’t choose those things. I’ve never really thought about it that way. I can’t tell if it’s comforting or deeply upsetting, but I think he’s right. It’s explains a lot. There are so many things we don’t know if we like or dislike about people either because we haven’t had the chance to experience them or we just haven’t become cognitively aware of our feelings. Even when we do know, we don’t usually know why we feel that way. Throw on top of that how stupidly complicated people are and it makes love seem infinitely mystical, but at its core it’s actually rational. He just blows my mind, like that’s not even all we talked about. We talked about fun stuff and personal stuff and random stuff too. It was just so enjoyable, I wished it would never end.

But it did, of course. We only started leaving the place after morning light so it was pretty bright out by the time I got home. My parents were pissed. I told them that I was going to hang out with a friend that night, so I was kinda confused as to why they were mad at all. It’s not like I just disappeared. It’s like they just assumed I was out with a guy.

Regardless, I wasn’t having it. I went off on them. “How can you give me shit for being gone overnight when mom is gone for two days and nobody says anything?” Damn, that shut them up. Way harder than I even expected it to. I thought it would give me some ground to stand on but that they’d come back all “you’re the child, we’re the parents”. None of that shit, though. They just looked at each other and were like “we’ll talk about this later” and sent me to my room. I don’t even know how to feel about it, it was fucking spooky. I bet they’re gonna get a divorce. Probably has to do with the fact that they don’t seem to love very much about each other. I wonder what it was like when they at least thought they were in love? Did they change or were they just blind to their incompatibility from the start? Was it always like this? I don’t remember a time when it wasn’t. I feel like it’s gotten worse lately. I wonder if my parents know what they like, what they love in a person. They’re so in-their-heads fucking practical I wonder if they even stop to think about it.

I think about it. I think about how I want someone who acknowledges their feelings and thinks deeply about them. Someone who’s living every second of the life they have instead of wasting their time on the life they think they want. Someone like Frank. I think he wants someone like me too.


	8. Susie’s Diary- Monday, October 7th, 1996

** Susie’s Diary- Monday, October 7th, 1996 **

Fucking Mondays, dude. Pretty normal day if I’m being honest, though. I just hate school now. Probably destroyed my math test today, probably didn’t destroy the essay that was apparently due for Arritmen. Who the fuck drops an assignment like that on a Friday? I think he’s one of those you’ll-have-all-weekend-to-do-it teachers. Asshole. More like I’ll-have-all-weekend-to-fuck-around-while-you-work. Although now that I think about it he might have actually assigned it on Wednesday. Whatever, still stupid, I’ll just have to pound it out tonight at some point. 

Julie wasn’t in school today, not terribly surprising. She called me yesterday, she was crying so hard I wanted to die. I guess Brandon had called her and was being a jackass because they were gonna hang out on Saturday but she blew him off. She finally told him to go fuck himself and that it was over and he apparently got all whiny asking why and shit. Personally I was hoping she would say it was because he was a limp-dick shit-for-brains fuckface, like we always talk about, but she eventually broke down and said she had met someone else. I guess he just called her a slut and hung up after that. I want to cut out his fucking eyes. He never deserved her, I’m so glad he’s gone. I just hope Frank isn’t a fuckface: the sequel.

Joey, again. This time he literally just came up and gave me his number while giving me this look I can I only describe as bedroom eyes from hell. It was hilarious. I just sarcastically thanked him and he practically danced away. Such a dork.


	9. Julie’s Diary- Thursday, October 10th, 1996

** Julie’s Diary- Thursday, October 10th, 1996 **

It’s like I can finally breathe again, he puts the air back into my lungs. We went out and saw “The Ghost and the Darkness” last night and afterwards just hung out in my truck, safe from the world. We talked, laughed, made love, and did everything wonderful this earth could contain in such a small space. It felt like I had been suffocating since the last time I saw him. He’s like the sweetest drug, and I’m already a helpless addict. Drug, more like medicine. Medicine for my body and soul. I think I’m already falling in love with him. 

I told him about everything that was going on. He just listened to everything I had to say and everything I felt and even when it was childish and stupid he never once smirked or did anything less then respect and sympathize with me. No guy I’ve ever been with has been able to do that very simple thing. It was like all the weight was lifted off of my shoulders. He made me feel so valid. 

We talked about suffering, how much people make each other suffer. He thinks that people don’t usually want to cause each other pain, but that we’re selfish and ignorant and screw up even when we’re trying to do good. It was kind of pessimistic but also optimistic. I don’t know, it just felt enlightening or something. He’s gone through so much shit, pretty much everyone who was supposed to take care of him in his life has failed him. 

His parents were both heroin addicts. His dad died when he was two and by the time he was six his mom had overdosed so many times there was no way he could be kept around her. You’d think social services would do a better job trying to find him a decent home but the first dozen or so families he went to kicked him to the curb at the first sign of trouble. As if a kid who had been through so much wouldn’t need a little time to adjust. When he was twelve he finally got into a decent place for four years until, like some sick cosmic joke, his foster mom got hooked on pain meds after an accident. He didn’t even know it was happening, or for how long. She just didn’t wake up one day. She was the one person who actually tried to help him and didn’t just throw him away and she was stolen from him. I can’t even imagine. 

That’s when he got stuck with Clive, his current foster dad. He’s a piece of shit, raging alcoholic. Most of the time he isn’t home and when he is he’s usually yelling at Frank to clean shit or get a job or just generally berating him and calling him a waste of space. He got kicked out of school for fighting I guess, so he mostly spends his time watching movies and shows and reading. Even though that sounds sort of bummish, it’s kind of hard to blame him for not caring to participate in a society that has largely beat him down. At least he isn’t wasting away at the bar like the person shitting on him. He doesn’t really have plans to get into a career, he doesn’t really have plans at all. He’s just gonna go where the wind takes him. It might sound crazy, but I have no doubt he’ll be okay. He’s so intelligent and observant, he could probably just rough it in the woods for the rest of his life and be fine. Like a hermit philosopher. He says that the suffering and loneliness he’s endured aren’t anything for him to wear as a weight but instead something to pull strength from. “Like cuts toughening to scars”. He says he’s learned to be self sufficient, that he’s learned how to be on his own. I think he’s right. It’s incredible to see such an amazing person birthed from such a crucible. I hope I can be like him and pull strength from my suffering. I hope he’ll show me how.  
He gives me strength.


	10. Susie’s Diary- Wednesday, October 9th, 1996

** Susie’s Diary- Wednesday, October 9th, 1996 **

Damn I’m good. No losses in three weeks. I am the Antichrist of chess club at this point. Today I made a kid visibly angry, he fucking forfeited before I could even mate him. What a little bitch. It’s even better because I’m literally the ONLY girl in the club and I’m the one making the boys cry. I was hoping I would find some friends in the group but it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen. I guess I’m okay with that, I just didn’t think everyone would be so lame. I mean I knew they would be geeky and awkward as fuck but I thought at least they’d be game wizards. Nope, these guys suck. The only fun thing about annihilating them is watching them squirm while I do it. The tournament this weekend is gonna be a massacre. I don’t even think Mr. Farb is looking forward to it. He’s gonna have a lot of bruised egos on his hands. 

Poor Julie, when she came back Tuesday she seemed pretty fucked up. I talked to her, told her the xannies had me worried. She said she’d ease up. I hate being a buzzkill but like, she was almost falling asleep in her locker. She was still kinda zoned today. Whatever, I’ll just keep an eye on her. Fuck, I just wish I could make things better for her. I guess her parents have barely been talking to her or each other since they had a fight last weekend. It sounds like everything is just falling apart for her. She’s seeing Frank tonight. Hopefully that’ll help. I’m done giving her any shit about him. When she talks about him, the way her face lights up, I don’t wanna fuck with that.

For the last two days Joey hasn’t talked to me. Just looked from afar and given me this sup sort of head nod. I realized something about him, I don’t think he knows how to talk to girls. At the very least he’s scared to. I’ve never seen him talk to one besides me and he’s obviously having some trouble with that. I don’t know, it’s kinda flattering I guess. I bet he’s actually nice under that tough guy exterior. 

Fuck KindCare. Yesterday, while I was handing out peanut butter sandwiches for snack, one of the kids pulled their sandwich apart and smeared it all over my arm. Malicious little bastard. Motherfucker is like 6 years old he totally knows better and only did it because he knows I hate it there and that I’m on my last nerve. Whatever, I’m done.


	11. Susie’s Diary- Friday, October 11th, 1996

** Susie’s Diary- Friday, October 11th, 1996 **

So this weekend is gonna be even better than I thought it would. The placement tournament was cancelled, Farb is super duper sick apparently. I don’t care too much. I was excited for it but I’m sure I’ll still kill it whenever it does happen. 

The good news is I’m hanging out with Julie hardcore this weekend. I was supposed spend a bunch of time with my Dad but when she called up and said we should have a girls night with gooooood alcohol I convinced him to let me stay in town tomorrow . He’s picking me and Katie up in about an hour and was gonna take me to the tournament so I could spend that night and Sunday with him. Now I’m just gonna be there tonight. I know he’s disappointed but he’s really really good at hiding it. His easiness shouldn’t relieve me of guilt but, it kind of does. I do still feel bad, I’ve only ever been to his new place twice and it’s not like it was terrible or anything. It was just, well, boring. He’s not as fun as he used to be. He’s still so fucked up over Mom it’s obvious. It sort of makes me kind of hate her. Just a little bit. Weirdly though I’ve actually been getting along with her better having him out of the house. I think it was more complicated when there were two adult voices. Whenever they had one of their little spits I pretty much always took his side but now that can’t really happen. Besides that, she’s just been less critical overall of both me and Katie. I think she’s less stressed, which feels both sad and happy at the same time. Whatever, I’m just glad the tension has eased and there isn’t a constant stink of contempt in the air. I wish I missed him more though. Katie misses him so much, at least she’ll be there the whole time. I feel so bad for not missing him more. POSITIVITY! Can’t wait to go to Julies tomorrow. She came over for a little bit today after school but left to go to Frank’s before it got too late. Eh.

Oh yeah, I finally beat Mario. The cannon just shot me up to the roof of the castle and Yoshi was there. He gave me a new type of jump. Whoopty fuckin doo. No secret ending, no secret level, just a stupid jump. Thanks Yoshi, you’re great. I guess I still feel pretty accomplished though. I can’t imagine too many people have nabbed 120 stars yet, I oughta be proud. Fuck that, I want a secret level.


	12. Julie’s Diary- Sunday, October 13th, 1996

**12 Julie’s Diary- Sunday, October 13th, 1996**

 

Last night was something. Susie came over and we got super fucked up. Well, I got pretty fucked up, she got extremely fucked up. Again. She does this so much. She did it at the last party too, she told me she was sick all the next day. It sucks, because I can never tell until she’s too far gone. She’s so good at hiding when she’s drunk that by the time she shows it she’s practically incoherent. By one in the morning she was alternating between passed out and throwing up. I hated it. It’s not like I was angry, I actually felt guilty. I wish I knew how to help her. I love her, so much. She’s essentially the only real friend I have, besides Frank. But that’s different, obviously. We’ve been best friends since first grade and she’s the only person I’ve ever known who has just been nothing but there for me. Even when we have issues they’re gone so quickly because she’s so good at moving past them. She’s so good at moving past everything. I wish I was like that. Fuck, maybe that’s why she get’s so fucked up. I think things affect her more than she’d ever show. She acts like the toughest person on the planet but I know how much she actually cares, about everything. Like Frank. That’s got to be part of it. 

Her parents are messed up too, but it’s so different. They both lack the blind material ambition of my parents but they’re not without delusions of what their life ought to be. Everything was still relatively calm at their house though, it was hard to tell there was anything amiss. I think Susie tried to make it seem better than it was though. It’s starting to look like it was always worse than she let on. 

Just a couple months ago her Dad moved out but they were basically separated for at least a year by that time. That must have been so weird. Her dad is so sweet and honestly wonderful while her Mom is as cold as ice. They don’t really fight, like at all, they’re just so different. She’s super critical and apparently he used to impress her with the fact that he was a programmer. But when he settled into his regular career job she lost interest, rapidly. According to Susie, her Mom had this idea that her Dad would be this cool computer hacker type of guy. Even more than the money I guess she was really into the idea of being with someone who does interesting things. Here’s the kicker though, her Dad is not particularly exciting. Obviously I don’t know how he was when he was younger but trying to imagine him as anything but a silly geek is hard.   
He’s fucking awesome though, honestly. He knows like everything about all the coolest stuff and he’s actually fine to hang out with, way more than any other parent I’ve met. He has every episode of The Outer Limits and The Twilight Zone and we used to watch them with him all the time when we were little. Susie’s Mom always seemed to be annoyed by that. He’s also the one who introduced Susie to video games. He got her a Gameboy when she was ten and apparently that was the only time Susie’s actually seen them openly fight. I’ll admit, after that things did seem a little tense when I was over there. They still put on the facade though. 

Her Mom could be an actress. She’s so beautiful and I’m not sure I’ve seen her do anything real at all. I wonder if she ever has. She’s head of the neighborhood book club and is always having little dinner parties and participating in other suburban pageantry. It just doesn’t seem like her though. She usually acts like it’s such a chore, like she’s doing it all in exchange for some award she’ll never receive and doesn’t even particularly want. She doesn’t like to travel but seems annoyed being home. Overall, she’s just a weird fucking person. She really pushes Susie and Katie to be “sucessful”. Whatever that means.  
Susie talks about all of it like it’s a shitty TV show she’s being forced to watch, so detached. She’s definitely torn up about it though. She told me once that she wished they were in love. I wish they were too. I wish my parents were in love. How is it that pretty much every adult I know is lacking a healthy loving relationship? Is that just how it is when you grow up, does everyone just suck? It seem so easy with Frank. What if we stay together, and then years down the road he starts to resent me or vice versa? I don’t want to think about it. I’m gonna call Susie later, make sure she’s okay.


	13. Susie’s Diary- Sunday October, 13th, 1996

**Susie’s Diary- Sunday October, 13th, 1996**

Fucking hell. I kind of want to die. Drank WAY too much Patron. So hungover, everything hurts. Slept most of the day, barely remember getting home. Someone definitely remembers me coming home. Ding ding ding, you guessed it, Mom. She let me sleep until like 3pm which would be amazing if she hadn’t woken me up by fucking yelling at me. First she was all sarcastic asking me if I had a good sleep. I said yeah and she just started to tear into me. She asked me about KindCare. She scream-asked me actually. Which isn’t really asking is it? It’s basically just you-tell-me-why-I-know-I’m-mad because she ALWAYS asks me what I did instead of just fucking telling me why I’m in trouble. I hate it so much.

The KindCare people called and asked about my aunt. My very-much-not-deadly-sick aunt. My mom was pissed as fuck. They’re pulling me from the program and she’s acting like I got kicked out of school. She said at this rate I would never get into college. Bull-fucking-shit. I get pretty okay grades and I’m apparently a wiz at chess. Okay now that I’m writing that down as my whole resumé I’m realizing she might have a point. Whatever. She’s making me do something else, she said I had to choose by tomorrow so I could sign up this week. It’s kind of late in the season for anything though. I think I’m gonna go for Cantorum. I like singing and I’m at least okay at it. Plus it’s basically no work. 

Julie and I used to sing and play music together so much, I wish we would do that again. All she does is practice for orchestra. I don’t think I’ve seen her pick up her guitar in like, a year. And I don’t even know how long it’s been since she played harp. Fuck that was beautiful, I wouldn’t be surprised if she still only has the children’s one. She got it in like second grade and I’m pretty sure she never sized up. She started playing guitar more anyways. It was so great hanging out with her last night. We dyed my hair blue, it looks great. Like even better than the pink. She seemed genuinely really happy last night, which was a relief. I guess Frank can really bring her out of a funk. 

Fuck, that’s right. Julie had sex with Frank. I can’t believe it, they had sex on their first date, she’s NEVER done that before. Second date sure but like, I thought she had a policy. I got all serious as fuck when she told me and asked if he had pressured her or something but I pretty much knew the answer before she said it. She didn’t accuse me of projecting or anything though, so that was cool. I don’t know, I guess I don’t care too much. Ugh. I do a little bit. It’s fucked up though. Like super fucked up. I think I’m jealous. Not that I want her all to myself or anything. It’s just that she’s so excited to talk to and hang out with him. Like more excited than she is to hang out with me. Like I said, fucked up. That’s such a stupid petty thing to care about but for some reason I do. She’s my only friend. Fuck, I’m pathetic. And hungover, SO hungover


End file.
